


permafrost (i'd say i love you but i don't know how)

by wynscorp



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: (supposedly), Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Best Friends, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Slow Burn, Somewhat Fuckboi Kara Behavior, Unrequited Love, andrea was def lena’s gay awakening, briefly mentioned SuperSaturn, but Supercorp Endgame, i love sam sm pls protect her at all costs, kara's in love with lena, lena too obviously but theyre all dumb, past lutharias relationship, sam is lena’s first major love but, whiny lena is my fav
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29540892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynscorp/pseuds/wynscorp
Summary: She let the thoughts consume her; the thoughts that told her this had to come to an end somehow—that Lena would never feel the same way. And the one thought that frequently came back to the surface to truly convince her of that was remembering that Lena already had herone true love.She internally scoffed.Sam.ORSome say that people could never fall in love more than once. So when Sam Arias, Lena's first true love, comes back to National City in dire need of Lena's help, Kara can't help but simply wallow in it. The Luthor, on the other hand, is just super fucking confused every time her ex and best friend are in the same room with her.loosely based on the song permafrost by laurena segura
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Querl Dox/Nia Nal, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Andrea Rojas, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Lena Luthor
Comments: 15
Kudos: 108





	1. one true love

**Author's Note:**

> so the concept of "past lutharias but supercorp endgame" has been on my mind for months. nostalgic love does things to me. add an envious/hurt kara and i'm dead and done for. 
> 
> this is a no powers au but with a lot of mixes here and there of canon things and (my personal favorite) headcanons throughout the show. and obviously a shitton of gay, but thats a given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this from a sudden spike of heavily caffeinated motivation so if there are any inconsistencies forgive me. also it is short and p fast paced this chapter as a start. enjoy!

_I know I have nothing to give_

_So may as well give up and live_

She’s doing it again. She must be, because one second she was listening to Lena going on about the most _crucial_ algorithm of her upcoming project, and the next second all she could hear were the birds chirping in her ears. All she could look at was the way Lena’s brows moved as she spoke, the way they arched, the way the corners of her lips would perk up in excitement.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I must be boring you,” Lena’s polite chuckle ringed through Kara’s ears, her senses getting back into focus.

“W-what?” Kara pushed back the glasses on the bridge of her nose, smiling like she had just come off of a high. “Not at all, are you kidding? You know I love it when you get dorky on me.”

The brunette chuckled harder but bashfully, her cheeks turning a faint red. “You flatter me. But I know you have an article to work on and I’ve been rambling here like an idiot, wasting your time.”

“ _Dorky_ idiot,” Kara corrected, a sheepish smirk across her face.

Though she knew Lena was right – she _did_ have to get to work – but she didn’t want her moment with Lena to end. She never did. And honestly? It got in the way of most her daily tasks – but she would never tell her best friend that.

She watched as Lena perked a teasingly demanding brow up in response; one that said to _get moving_ and _get working_.

“I know, I know,” Kara threw her hands up in surrender. “I’ll get out of your hair too so you can work on your beloved passion project.”

The blonde pushed herself off the couch and just as she was about to start walking, Lena’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Don’t be silly,” Lena giggled as she grabbed her phone off the coffee table. “Make yourself at home; I’ll order Mama Chow’s and I _promise_ not to ramble while we _both_ work.”

Kara looked at her with her hopeful but worried smile. She didn’t know how Lena had never caught on to the fact that Kara. Cannot. Work. Around. Lena.

 _Especially_ not when she looked that good and _especially_ not when her red blouse hung _dangerously_ low.

“You really do know the way to my heart, don’t you,” Kara stupidly said instead, teasingly huffing and plopping back down onto the couch.

“Always,” Lena grinned.

Kara also really wished Lena would stop doing _that_. Stop giving her hope – hope she should never have.

\--

Hours had passed. Food containers were open and scattered around the living room – much to Lena’s dismay, but not when Kara was around – and the journalist’s laptop was starting to burn her lap as she lay on the couch. Her glasses felt heavy on her nose. Lena sat adjacent to her on the armchair, face buried in her work, but Kara knew when the engineer had enough even if Lena didn’t know it herself. The night, as it seemed, was coming to an end.

And the blonde knew how these nights usually went. Hours of “promised silence” would turn into only a quarter of work being done – at least on Kara’s end. She always found her gaze moving with a mind of its own to Lena’s _working face_. She always found herself staring and thinking _how on earth did I get the privilege of knowing such a passionate, intelligent, beautiful woman?_

But then Kara would usually be the one to end the night. Or at least, try to. She’d say it’d been a long day and how they both should get some rest – only because, really, she always needed time alone to recollect her thoughts and feelings. And ending the night would suddenly somehow trigger and unleash a sleepy Lena that only one of them didn’t know was present. And Lena would yawn, stretch her limbs, and shoot her sleepy puppy-dog eyes at Kara. And then she’d whine and ask Kara to stay the night and Kara, none the wiser, would always agree.

However, despite knowing this outcome, she still tried to end the night. Kara always tried, because as happy and lucky she felt to even _know_ the Luthor, it still hurt too much to sleep in the same bed and pretend that she didn’t want more.

“Imma call it a night,” Kara sighed, closing her laptop.

“What?” Lena perked up, glanced at her watch that said it was a little past midnight, “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, and for once you need to get more than 3 hours of sleep, you know.”

The engineer yawned, stretched her limbs, then pouted and said, “and _you_ know I sleep best with you by my side.”

Like fucking clockwork.

Kara sighed, “Lena—”

“Please?” And there were those pleading puppy dog eyes. “I need my cuddle buddy.”

 _Cuddle buddy_. Why does she do this?

Kara, of course, couldn’t help the sympathetic and approving smile that spread across her lips. She jokingly rolled her eyes, “Okay, _fine_ , but only because your sleepy eyes are so cute.”

Okay, maybe Kara could admit that she did it too – the flirting. But at least she had the feelings to support it!

In response, Lena quietly squealed in delighted relief, hopping up to get ready for bed.

And so the night goes. They brushed their teeth – and yes Kara had a toothbrush at Lena’s because the Luthor _insisted_ – Lena lent her a shirt to go with the alien-pattern boy shorts Kara had on and wore her own pajamas; a cute button up and shorts. Comfy, the way she always was with Kara.

And then they were in bed, and oh boy, it was like Kara forgot how it felt every time.

She was on her back with her arm around her best friend, Lena’s hand across the blonde’s torso and her legs just barely atop of Kara’s.

That, apparently, wasn’t torture enough.

Lena snuggled closer and closer ever so slightly, like she couldn’t get enough of Kara’s warmth. She nuzzled her nose into Kara’s collarbone, and her hand – her stupidly pretty soft hand – traveled from Kara’s waist to the top of her chest. To top it all off, the Luthor decided to clutch Kara’s shirt in said stupidly pretty hand, as if to emphasize her need for Kara’s touch.

The blonde gulped and hoped Lena couldn’t hear the desperation in it, nor the speed of her racing heart.

As comfortable as Kara always felt with Lena, it didn’t make it easier not to keep track of every breath and movement from either of them. It was weird, how she felt so comfortable – so _at home_ – yet so nervous and cautious at the same time.

But it never took long for her best friend to fall asleep, and Kara always knew when she did because Lena would let out the faintest snort the second she was a goner. You know, aside from the fact that Kara also felt (and tracked but let’s not talk about that) Lena’s heartbeat; the way it slowed down and her muscles relaxed.

She never really understood why her best friend’s heart always beat so fast anyway, but she always blamed it on all the coffee Lena consumed every day.

As Lena slept, Kara inhaled deeply through her nose, taking in Lena’s vanilla smell and wondering what the fuck got her in a situation like this. This was always the moment her mind wreaked havoc on itself; when the love of her life was _right_ _there_ , right in her arms, but she couldn’t do anything about it. Unlike when she was alone and had a bit of rationality left in her mind.

She let the thoughts consume her; the thoughts that told her this had to come to an end somehow—that Lena would never feel the same way. And the one thought that frequently came back to the surface to _truly_ convince her of that was remembering that Lena already had her _one true love._

She mentally scoffed.

Sam.

Oh, Sam… Lena’s one and only. The _‘soulmate that wasn’t meant to be’_ as Lena called it.

Meant to be or not, Lena had felt that _ultimate love_ , while Kara’s ultimate love was Lena. And Lena could never reciprocate it, because people could never love twice… Right?

So instead, Kara accepted the fact she could never give that to Lena. She could never be that person to her, the one who’d make her feel that ultimate, beautiful, and passionate love… because Lena’s already had it.

And as her eyes started to flutter closed, she thought in acceptance that she was happy to even be under the same sky as her at the same time. She was happy to have the privilege of loving her, whether requited or not. She was _proud_ to love her. And she could live with it as long as Lena was happy.

\--

Kara woke up to Lena’s frantic voice. She jolted upwards, rubbing her eyes and grabbing her glasses on the bedside table. She looked at her best friend, pacing around the bedroom with a phone pressed against her ear.

“Are you okay now?” Lena worriedly asked the receiver on the other end.

Kara furrowed her eyebrows as she watched Lena pace around. She checked the time; 6 A.M.

“Lena, w-what’s going on?”

The Luthor lifted her finger up, frantically but politely asking Kara to wait as she listened to the caller.

“Where are you?” Lena asked suddenly. “I’ll come pick you up.”

Kara hugged her own legs in worry when all she could do was listen to Lena’s responses, with not a clue of what was going on.

“No, don’t risk it. Please let me pick you up.”

Who the hell was she talking to?

“N-no, believe me, I want to. Either that, or come over, and we’ll figure it out together. Just _please_. Let me help.”

Figure _what_ out?

“Listen, you found your way back to National City for a reason. It was a good choice. Ruby’s most comfortable here, you know that, and I have enough security to keep you both safe.”

Ruby? Wait—

“Okay. Okay. You’re right. I’ll be waiting.”

A worried sigh escaped her throat, and then she added, “And Sam… just—please be safe on your way here.”

Kara felt her hands fall to her sides on the bed. She never had anything against Sam; she always seemed lovely from the stories Lena told. And regardless, she definitely was concerned for her. But selfishly, she did feel a pang of… disappointment? No… _worry_.

It’d been years since Lena and Sam’s relationship ended. They’ve both changed. What if things got… complicated?

But of course, considering the more important matter at hand, Kara leaned on her concern for her. 

“Sam? As in…?”

“Yeah, my Sam.”

_Ouch._

“O-okay, what’s wrong? What happened? Is she okay?”

Lena sighed and sat at the edge of her bed, burying her face in her palms. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. She very well might be in danger. It’s—it’s complicated. She’s back in National City and needs… help. I need to help her. God, I _really_ need to be there for her. She’s coming over because she doesn’t want any spotlight on her to the press if I came to pick her up but—ugh, I just—I really hope she’s okay. I _need_ her to be okay.”

“Hey, hey,” Kara crawled to the edge of the bed, curled her legs under herself, and wrapped an arm around the Luthor. “It’s okay. And if it’s not, then we’ll figure it out. Together. Okay?”

Lena nibbled on her bottom lip and looked down at her own fidgeting hands in her lap.

“But…” she sighed worriedly, “what about Ruby? God, Kara, she must be terrified.”

“We’ll take care of Ruby.” Kara assured her with no hesitance. “And if we ever can’t, Alex could always take over. Or even Nia… though I wouldn’t trust her with a child.”

Lena chuckled lightly, her eyes still on her own hands, before she softly grasped the blonde’s free one.

“Kara… you don’t even know what’s at stake. You don’t know how dangerous it could possibly be, or what it even means or what could come of anything, yet you don’t ask questions.” Lena caressed her thumb across Kara’s hand, finally looking up into blue eyes. “You’re… always there. No matter the costs. How? Why?”

“The same way you just did it for Sam,” Kara said, ignoring the pain in her heart. “The way you always would for her, right? It’s like that.”

Emerald eyes sparkled with understanding.

“The way I always would for you too,” Lena smiled softly, before a questioning look appeared in the crease between her brows. “You do know that, right?”

It’s true. Lena has always been there for Kara. And though she knew it wasn’t a competition, she still acknowledged that Sam, Lena’s first true love, would always come first.

Kara smiled, though doubtfully but appreciatively, and gripped Lena’s hand tighter.

“R-right.”

Their eyes lingered on each other’s for a moment – one that seemed to last forever – before the bell rang and Lena jumped to her feet.

“That must be Sam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and let me know what you think/what you wanna see in later chapters! and thank you for reading!
> 
> reach me on twitter if you’d like <3 [ @wynscorp ](https://twitter.com/wynscorp)


	2. unspoken feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena comforts Sam as her story unravels. Meanwhile, Kara is still in the dark as she keeps Ruby company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 days later and i'm still caffeinated as hell. anyway! buckle up for a short but angsty chapter. :')
> 
> TW // mentioned stalking, prison, & emotional abuse

_Sometimes I feel like I am permafrost_

_Alone in the tundra and really lost_

Warmth.

Safety.

Love.

That’s what Lena felt as she held her ex in her arms for the first time in years. As her right hand stroked through Ruby’s hair behind Sam, Lena spoke sweet nothings to the both of them; _you’re gonna be okay_ , _I’ve got you_ , and _you’re safe now_.

She let go of her ex, glimpsing into her brown eyes for what felt like eternity before gathering her senses to pull Ruby into her arms.

“C’mere,” she whispered as the youngest brunette collapsed into her, holding her for what seemed like dear life to the child. “My God, you’ve grown, haven’t you?”

Ruby responded with nothing but a head nod against the Luthor’s chest.

With Ruby still in her arms, Lena cocked her head to the side to find Kara’s ever-so-earnest eyes searching through Sam’s before approaching her for a hug. It didn’t matter that they’ve never met before; they knew plenty of each other. And it didn’t matter that Kara had no answers other than the simple fact that Sam wasn’t okay; Kara cared, nonetheless. She always cared. Lena loved that about her.

Lena loosened her grip on Ruby and dropped her hands to her sides, one softly opting to hold onto the child’s as she continued to watch her best friend take her own ex-girlfriend into her arms like she’d known her for years.

The sight did something to her. What – she wasn’t sure. But it was something that made her feel a knot boiling at the pit of her stomach. Not in anger but… something else. Something new. Something… confusing.

“So, this is the mysterious Kara Danvers, huh?” Sam smiled as she let go of the blonde. She did a once-over at Kara’s physique, “nice boy shorts.”

That gained a bashful chuckle from the reporter, her cheeks reddening and the tips of her fingers pulling down the edges of the T-shirt she wore. There wasn’t much time between holding Lena and answering the door to hop into last night’s pants. Lena suddenly wished there was.

“And the _one and only_ Sam Arias,” Kara added, smiling into the mother’s eyes.

Listen, Lena was totally aware that this was _not_ the time, but why the fuck was her heart pounding so hard at the sight?

“Listen, I’m so sorry,” Sam then voiced, looking at Lena. “I’m so sorry for intruding and adding all this dramatic bullshit to your already-full plate out of nowhere.”

“Nonsense,” Lena retorted. “I’ve got you… always. You know that. Now let’s have you two take a breather, maybe some breakfast, and we’ll get situated, yeah?”

Sam smiled the softest yet loudest appreciative smile, “Yeah.”

Lena approached her ex and lightly grasped her hand to lead her to the guest room to talk. For a second, she saw a look wash over Kara’s so quickly, she almost missed it. The blonde’s lips quivered.

With Lena’s back to the reporter now, she heard a clearing of her throat.

“Hey Ruby,” Lena heard Kara say. “You hungry? I can make us some smiley-face pancakes.”

“I’m not _five_.”

Lena laughed to herself. She knew full well that the smiley-face touch was for herself; it gave the blonde’s day a brighter start.

Once the two brunettes reached the guest room, Sam dropped the duffle bag hauled on her shoulder to the ground.

“Lena—”

“Don’t. Please?”

Sam sighed. “Okay. I still want to thank you, though.”

“Thank me by telling me how I can help. The full story, Sam. Don’t be a hero and sugarcoat the amount of danger you’re in.”

“I swear I’m not in _that_ much danger!”

“He’s out of prison, Sam…” Lena started softly, her eyes dropping to Sam’s hand, hesitant to hold it again with no means other than comfort. But she did anyway.

Sam looked down at their joint hands, “I know.” She sighed, held her hand tighter, before they both heard a lighthearted squeal from the kitchen. A devious smile then spread across the taller brunette’s lips, “first off, how ‘bout you tell me about the hunk of beef taking care of my daughter in the kitchen?”

“Sam Arias!” Lena jokingly scoffed, pulling her hand from the taller woman’s. “Kara knows nothing yet. Just that you’re not safe. But she’s very eager to help, too.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Sam’s cocky brow lifted accusingly at the Luthor, while Lena’s only furrowed in question. “C’mon, Lena, I miss you, and I wouldn’t mind distracting myself for a moment while you tell me about her. Ex or not. We’re cool. Right?”

What was Sam trying to say? Was she into Kara already? Lena knew Kara was charming, but Sam couldn’t possibly be considering that already in a dire moment like this. Even the thought of it didn’t sit well in the Luthor’s stomach; feeling a sense of protectiveness over the blonde.

“I-I’m not sure I follow?” Lena opted to say instead.

“Oh,” Sam exaggeratingly pulled the corners of her lips downwards in thought. “I just assumed—you know, from the way you talk about her that you were sleeping with her, at the very least, but didn’t wanna hurt my feelings over the phone or some shit.”

Wait, what?

“That’s—what?” Lena scoffed, her mouth curved in a smile but in disbelief. Her hands rested against her own hips in fists as she continued, “That’s—no. How could that—I mean, of course not! She’s my—Kara! I mean, my best friend! How could you even…” Lena continued to stammer, “I-I just… no. We’re not.”

Sam struggled to conceal her laughter, “Okay, relax. Though, for someone who’s not sleeping with her you sure are defensive.”

Lena shot Sam with her _look_. The one that shot daggers. “Shut up. We’re not like that. Not at all. Not in the slightest.”

“Okay, okay,” the taller woman threw her hands up in surrender, though her smile fought hard not to oppose her submission.

“You know what, how about you stop avoiding the more important subject at hand,” the engineer gave the other woman her best accusatory glare, “you know, the one where Ruby’s baby daddy is hunting you two down?”

“Lena Luthor, ever the dramatic,” Sam rolled her eyes. “He’s not hunting us down, per se… I mean he is… but—like also, don’t call him that.”

“Sorry,” Lena cleared her throat seriously, letting the other woman continue.

Sam sighed and walked to the edge of the guest bed, folding her legs under herself as she sat down and dropped her hands to her lap.

“He’s nothing but a sperm doner. He’s not her father. He never was.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Lena sighed and pulled the edges of her pajama shorts down, feeling less secure being inappropriately dressed given the situation, as she sat down next to Sam.

Sitting next to her on the edge of the bed like this, comforting her, suddenly felt like déjà vu - for all those moments they held each other, whispering sweet nothings of comfort and letting the walls that once surrounded their hearts down. It felt like no time had passed.

But it also felt _recently_ familiar, because Kara was always by her side giving her a similar sort of beautiful ache in her chest, even just this morning on the edge of Lena’s bed. That added fuel to the confusion that sat burning in the pit of her stomach since the moment she opened the door to her ex this morning.

Sam let Lena know with nothing but a soft smile that she understood. That it was okay. So, she went straight to telling her everything. She told her that Mark, Ruby’s biological father, had started sending threatening messages around a year before his release from prison, but Sam hadn’t taken them seriously and didn’t want to worry Lena over the phone at the time.

Sam had moved to National City ever since he got into prison, while Ruby was practically still an embryo. She was only 19 years old and was glad not to be reminded of Mark every corner she turned; unlike the way his ghost haunted every inch of Metropolis.

She birthed and raised Ruby on her own, and eventually down the line, met Lena. She only returned to Metropolis when she got a job offer and thought she was free of him.

Lena knew all this already. However, what she hadn’t known was that Mark warned Sam of his return before his initial arrest. He had told her – warned her – all those years ago, that he’d be back for his baby. It shook Sam to the core until she settled in National City for a long enough time without his release and thought he’d rot in prison.

Little did she know that he was getting off on parole for “good behavior”. He warned her of this too, just a year before his release, when the threats returned through the messengers he had wrapped around his finger all the way from prison. She thought they were full of shit just like him. And as an adult with a less gullible mind, she thought no court system or judge would actually let him out for the shit he was charged for, no matter the number of times he played nice with his inmates.

But he was right. And the system was shit.

Apparently, he had been out for a couple of weeks without Sam’s knowledge. He meticulously had planned, stalked, and plotted his vengeful strike against the unknowing mother, hoping to grab Ruby along the way. Maybe he had a plan. Maybe he would take custody. It wasn’t surprising, considering the fear he apparently infested in most authorities.

“Lena, I-I saw him. I _knew_ I saw him. Right outside my window, for a split fucking second, and then he was gone. And I don’t know—it was like I thought if I ignored it for long enough it’d all disappear. Blamed it on my paranoia and that I was hallucinating. But—” Sam choked on her words. “I wasn’t. I wasn’t imagining it. I fucked up, Lena, shit, I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up!”

Lena’s blood boiled. He got to them; he must have. Lena realized this. Every atom in her body ignited with anger, but the sound part of her mind told her to stay strong for the other woman. To be calm. For her. So, she held her close, whispered all she could into her ears, as the other woman sobbed into the crook of Lena’s neck.

A moment passed.

“S-Sam,” Lena cleared her throat, pulled away just slightly to hold Sam’s face between her palms, and looked into her eyes. She gulped as she held her gaze for longer than what deemed normal – trying her best to form words without _breaking_. Trying her best to remain being Sam’s rock. “Did he hurt you?”

Sam sniffled as she broke the gaze to look down at her lap.

“He tried, but,” she swallowed hard. “Kara ain’t the only one with beef for arms, you know. And Ruby’s got your wits. We got out.”

Lena’s quivering lips formed into a soft, relieved smile. “My girls.”

Sam smiled too. The kind of angsty-aftermath-smile that appears when you’re sad, but oh-so-glad to have the company you do.

Lena held her closer, leaning her forehead against Sam’s, both closing their eyes and breathing each other in. Breathing the _moment_ in. 

The air felt heavy, but rightfully so in a situation like that. They stayed that way, Lena knowing that was enough talk for one sit-down. She got the gist and now her only goal was to just... be there.

But Lena felt closer to Sam again, in more ways than just physical. She breathed her in like Sam was the air she hadn’t let fill her lungs in a long time. When really, she had, just – different air.

Like Sam was the brisky cold air in the winter, the kind that came back out of your lungs in the form of a smoke cloud and made you giggle.

Kara was the fresh air you breathed when you were suffocated. The kind that felt soul-cleansing. The kind you breathed in and made you remember how beautiful it was to be alive. The kind that made you _feel_ alive.

Lena and Sam remained like that for a few more moments, breathing each other in, in an unspoken way of gratitude and love. 

Then came a knock to the door, and then a click.

“Oh, um,” Kara cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.”

Sam dropped her hands from Lena’s hold and smiled softly at Kara through her reddened eyes.

“It’s okay. We were done anyway.”

Lena watched Kara, who was now in her sweatpants (stolen _back_ from Lena), waiting for her to explain why she came in in the first place, but the blonde remained frozen.

The longer the silence held, Lena knitted her brows in worry. “Kara… is everything okay?”

“Oh, uh,” Kara gulped, _hard_ , and shook her head. “N-no. I mean yes. Sorry. I—sorry, Ruby just, um, wanted her glasses. Said she left it in your bag. I heard silence, so I assumed—Sorry.”

Lena’s lips parted as she slightly nodded her head, watching Kara, still unmoving.

“We’re—we’re playing scrabble,” the blonde added, pointing behind her, as if that explained the glasses.

Both women on the bed smiled.

“Of course you are,” Lena voiced.

“Not without us, you’re not,” Sam scoffed. “Here. I’ll get her glasses.”

Kara nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of her neck, “Sorry again.”

Sam waved her hand at her in casual dismissal.

“Lena. Um—can I talk to you?”

The engineer nodded immediately, following Kara out and aside into the hallway.

Kara adjusted her glasses, looked around to assure their privacy, and started, “How bad is it?”

“Bad,” Lena answered. She sighed and fidgeted with her own fingers, “But manageable.”

“Are you okay?”

“As okay as I can be, I guess? I mean, what am I expected to feel when someone I love goes through something like this? It feels terrible, but nothing compared to what Sam and Ruby must feel.”

“I’m so sorry. Everything will be okay. I know it.” And there was Kara’s positive, everlasting hope. Lena wondered how Kara did it all the time.

But then Kara clenched her jaw and swallowed down hard. She was holding something back. She wanted to say something. Lena could tell.

“What is it, Kara?”

“What about… like,” the reporter refused to look into Lena’s eyes. “Like, how do you feel about _her_?”

The muscles in Lena’s face pulled back, her back straightened. “What are you trying to say?”

“Nothing! I—” Kara sighed, adjusted her glasses once again. “I just don’t want you to… you know, get your heart into something – s-someone – when you two have done your time, you know?”

The Luthor scoffed. “Kara, do you really think this is appropriate timing? What on earth brought this on?”

“It’s just—!” The blonde groaned heavily. “You two looked really… _in it_ … when I walked in. I just—”

“I haven’t seen her in _five years_ ,” Lena spat. “And she’s going through a lot. Am I not allowed to be there for her?”

“That’s not what I said!” Kara whisper-yelled, with a throw of her hands. “Look, I’m sorry. I worded it all wrong. I’m just really lost, don’t know what’s going on, and all I know is that I want the best for Sam and Ruby, while also not wanting to see you get hurt.”

Lena’s expression softened; she understood. Kara was trying her best. Maybe not entirely in the best way – which was a new look for Kara – but she was trying, nonetheless.

“I know,” the Luthor sighed. “But you don’t have to worry about me. Sam and I are way past over, and being there for her is not gonna get in the way of that. I won’t get my heart broken or anything like that, if that’s what you’re thinking. At least, not by her.”

Blue eyes darted up at that, a spark of an unasked question lighting them.

“Would you, though? Pure curiosity. Would you, if you had the chance? Let her break your heart? H-have a second chance, if she asked for it?”

“If nothing was in the way?” Lena asked.

Kara nodded.

Lena inhaled deeply, her eyes roaming to the nothingness of the hallway wall as she thought. Had Kara asked this the other day, her answer would’ve been immediate. An instant _no_ , with not an ounce of hesitation. But after today, after the swarm of confusion manifested itself into her mind, she hesitated.

She really imagined herself in that position. If Sam had asked her, and no life factors were in the way, would she take the chance?

Ocean blue, eager eyes remained on her own as she pondered.

The same blue eyes that kept her up at night. The same eyes that brightened her day – Lena’s very own smiley-face pancakes. The eyes that made her heart swell every time their corners crinkled in laughter. And oh, that laughter. Nothing ever made her happier.

The Luthor took another breath and held her own hands in front of her.

“No. Honestly, I really don’t think I would.”

A low breath of relief instantly escaped Kara’s throat; one so subtle that anyone else wouldn’t have caught on to it. Lena did.

She didn’t dwell on its meaning too long though, because she was too occupied with the fact that she couldn’t tell her best friend how her stomach was _roaring_ with feelings undealt with. Feelings for one blonde reporter that were _so clear_ for _so long_ until one Sam Arias showed up at her door step, five years later.

She didn’t lie to Kara. She just didn’t exactly tell her the full truth, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o.o
> 
> btw, mark is a made up person and what he was charged for (like 13 yrs ago) was nothing directly done to sam.


	3. game night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three days after the Arias' arrival, Kara hosts a game night. 
> 
> Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a considerably longer (and fun!) chapter for being a little over a week late to my, like, 3 readers but i also apologize in advance for what's about to happen but trust the process k thnx enjoy!

_You say I’m breaking your friend’s heart_

_But meanwhile, you’re tearing mine apart_

“At this point, I can’t even tell who you’re gay-ing out over anymore,” Alex huffed as she sat on the edge of Kara’s bed, one leg crossed over the other.

“I’m not _‘gay-ing out’_ over anyone,” Kara rolled her eyes before turning on the heels of her feet with an ironed button-up in each hand. “Which one?”

“It’s game night, Kara. It doesn’t matter.”

“Really? Is that why you spent two hours to get here?”

“Hey!” Alex threw a pillow at her sister. “I have a soon-to-be-maybe-kinda-girlfriend to impress. What’s your excuse?”

“I—do I need one?”

“In most cases, no, but I know you. Is this about Sam? You wanna out-do her or something?”

“What?! No.”

“Imra, then? She’s coming right?”

“Alex!” The blonde huffed and dramatically dropped her hands to her sides, still holding the two clothing hangers. “Why would I wanna impress Imra? I see her all the time.”

“True, she’s still head over heels for you no matter what you wear,” Alex started with a smirk until her younger sister glared at her. “Okay, okay. Just… talk to me. Is it weird with Sam?”

“No,” Kara sighed and dropped the button-ups to the surface of the bed. She inhaled deeply as she dug her hands into the back pockets of her slacks, “it’s kinda perfect with her, actually. She’s literally… perfect.”

It’d been three days since Sam and Ruby showed up at Lena’s doorstep. For the time being, they were keeping a low profile at Lena’s penthouse with all its security and what-not. And what other way to keep low than to _not_ disrupt their weekly traditions?

The oldest Danvers hissed sympathetically in response to her sister. “So… I know you’re always iffy about the subject of being totally, absolutely, completely in love with Lena Luthor, but tell me. Are you… jealous?”

“I’m not jealous! Nor in love with Lena,” Alex gave her a pointed look. “Okay, I might have a tiny whatever-crush that I don’t even want going anywhere. But I’m not jealous. Or okay, maybe I am a little… envious.” Kara rolled her eyes as she spoke like it was nothing. “They just have something so special! Way more special than I expected, especially seeing it front row, what with their _stupid_ googly eyes and embraces.”

Alex smiled softly, looking at her young, naïve sister with sympathy in her eyes. “Kara, you do know the rest of us see you and Lena the same way, right?”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“It literally kinda is, though. You’re blind if you think you and Lena don’t have a special connection, whether platonic in your eyes or not. Just because Lena and Sam have something special too, it doesn’t cancel yours out. It’s just different.”

Kara didn’t voice her doubts on that. At least, it’s not the “connection” she wishes it was. Not like Sam’s. She’s never felt the way she’s felt with Lena and she _knew_ that was not a feeling one could feel twice. She certainly never had.

“Well,” the blonde sighed. “Enough about me. How’re things with you and Kelly?” She emphasized the name with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows.

Alex failed to hide a suddenly shy smile as she groaned and dramatically laid back against the bed, covering her own face with the palms of her hands.

 _Yup, she’s smitten_ , Kara thought.

“Kara,” Alex whined. “I think I’m in love.”

The reporter smiled wide, squealing as she walked over to the bed and jumped to the center.

“Tell me, tell me! Tell me everything!”

“Okay, I obviously might not be in love – yet – but I can see myself _getting_ there one day,” Alex hid half her face. “She’s… ugh, she’s everything I want in a person. If we were still on talking terms with James, I’d gouge his eyes out for not forcing her to National City sooner.”

Kara grinned happily. She hadn’t seen Alex this happy in a long while and she knew that her sister was glad that Kelly came when she did. If it shaped up, it seemed to be the right time for the both of them.

\--

“You can’t represent yourself. You need a lawyer.”

“I am a lawyer,” Sam countered matter-of-factly.

“You know what I mean,” Lena arched her brow. “It’s a conflict of interest. You know that.”

“No one knows him like I do. I can get to him.”

“Not if he has a bunch of lawyers wrapped around his finger, you can’t.” Lena sighed, “Please, just keep your options open, okay? I have the best lawyers in the country.”

Sam affronted, “Better than yours truly?”

Lena rolled her eyes lightheartedly. “No, no one’s better than you.”

The lawyer sighed with satisfaction. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

“I doubt he’ll be making a move any time soon, but once he does, that’s when we’ll take action. We just need one more push and we can file a restraining order – that’ll piss him off, do something worse, we go to court, put him to jail for good this time.”

“Right, right. In the meantime…” Sam sounded unconvinced and avoidant. “I still don’t think Ruby and I coming to your girlfriend’s game night is a good idea.”

“We’d be discreet and take my town car. You know me, tinted black windows and all.”

There was a moment of silence, one that caused a devilish grin to spread across Sam’s face.

 _Oh_.

“And she’s not my girlfriend! Obviously.” Lena scoffed a little too late.

“Luthor, that was a _significantly_ late response.”

“Please. It’s a given that I didn’t bother correcting you on.”

“Right,” Sam narrowed her eyes. “Anyway, the discretion isn’t my issue. I’m talking about the fact that Kara Danvers _hates_ me.”

“What?” The engineer scoffed lightheartedly. “That’s ridiculous. Kara says nothing but good things about you.”

“Yeah, but she looks at me like I killed her puppy and sizes me up all the time like she’s waiting for the right moment to pounce on me.”

Lena laughed, “Trust me, that’s all in your head. Kara wouldn’t hurt a fly. And even if she would, she’d have no reason to be upset with you in the first place.”

“That’s not—” Sam ended with a sigh and instead said, “You know, Lena,” she regarded her with a smile. “For a genius, you can be really dumb sometimes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Sam smirked and cocked her head to the side. “Ruby! Let’s go!”

—

“Listen, maybe I should just go back.” Sam nervously shuffled on her feet as they neared the end of the hallway to Kara’s apartment.

“Aw, getting cold feet? Scared that big, hunky Kara will _pounce_ on you?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” The lawyer narrowed her eyes at Lena, who immediately felt her cheeks flush red. “But no, as much as I would love to watch you squirm seeing your crush and super sexy ex-girlfriend pounce each other, it’s the fact I’m meeting like 10 new – _adult_ – people today. On a weekly routine game night. With my 13-year-old daughter.” Sam looked at her daughter to her side, “Sorry, baby.”

Ruby shrugged like she was used to it.

Lena decided to ignore the dirty comment – in lieu of Ruby’s presence, she told herself – and felt the urge to ease Sam’s nerves. Sam liked to act tough. When she was nervous, she’d mask it with a bunch of jokes and dirty comments, or, like Lena, bury herself in work. But Lena could see right through her. “Hey, you’re gonna be fine, okay?” She bracketed Sam’s shoulders with her hands, then looked at Ruby, who, in all honesty, did not seem to care. “Both of you will. They’ll all love you. And plus—not everyone is new. Jack’s coming.”

“Wait, what?” Ruby’s eyes lit up. “Jack as in—”

“Jack Spheer; the one and only,” a familiar and cocky voice sounded as the man himself walked down the hall.

“Jack!” Both Ruby and Sam shouted happily, Ruby the first to collide straight into him, his arms not hesitating even the slightest to wrap the child in a warm hug, though one hand held a bottle of wine.

“Oh God, you have no idea how good it feels to see a familiar face,” Sam groaned, hugging him next.

“I’m right here,” Lena scoffed, though she went ignored.

“Staying holed up in the cold, extravagant Luthor penthouse making you lose your mind already, huh?” Jack grinned, his eyes glinting at Lena.

Sam let go of the hug but kept her hands gripping his biceps. “Jack, I swear, I have no idea how she does it,” she whispered astonishingly.

“Again, I’m right here!” Lena dropped her arms to her sides frustratingly.

The front door of Kara’s apartment suddenly opened to reveal a curious but very fresh and put-together Kara Danvers. She had her hair tied back, a slick dark grey button-up tucked into her slacks, the sleeves of the button-up rolled so high up it was almost like the blonde _wanted_ Lena to sweat tonight. Or… someone else.

To make the matters worse, the top buttons were undone, revealing her neck line and then some.

 _Of_ _course_ Kara had to look like that, tonight of all nights, when Lena was already confused enough with both her long-time crush and ex-girlfriend in the same room, most probably drinking.

“Thought I heard a ruckus,” the reporter shot a wide and friendly smile at the sight of the four of them. Man, that smile did things to Lena.

“Ugh, Kara,” Lena whined as she approached the blonde to hug her. “It hasn’t been more than 2 minutes and they’re bullying me already.”

The door opened a little wider as Lena took Kara in her arms, the blonde chuckling and comfortingly patting her hair down. The engineer tried to ignore the usual frantic speed of her heartbeat as she felt Kara’s strong front pressed against her own by instead peaking into the apartment over the blonde’s shoulder her face was dug into. She saw a familiar, stupidly gorgeous woman on the floor, resting her back against the couch’s front-skirt and looking down at her phone. _Imra_. Now it made sense.

Imra didn’t always come to game night, but she made her appearance every now and then. Lena always liked Imra, but she couldn’t help but feel bad for the woman around Kara sometimes. It reminded her of herself whenever Kara touched her, smiled at her, or hell, even breathed next to her.

Not to mention the awareness of the fact Kara and Imra once slept with each other was something Lena did _not_ want to picture nor be reminded of. It was only one time, but deep down, Imra never let go. She even said as much to Lena, drunk out of her mind one night, and Lena wasn’t sure if the woman even remembered admitting it to her or not.

It was sad, really. Kara had always made it _abundantly_ clear to everyone around her that she did not do relationships. It made Lena sad for Kara too because the blonde always thought relationships weren’t right for her. But if she only let people in—oh lord, Lena would give her all the love in the world.

Scanning the rest of the room, however, made it clear to Lena that mostly everyone had made it. Alex was leaning against the kitchen countertop, her fingers wrapped around a glass of wine, and blushing intensely at Kelly in front of her. The psychologist was blushing just as much, but Lena could tell she was slightly better at hiding it.

Brainy was sitting next to Winn on the couch, absently staring at Nia while Winn went on and on about something Lena couldn’t decipher. But considering the way Winn’s arms were moving around and his mouth seeming to mimic explosion sounds, she imagined it was about whatever new video game he was crushing.

Nia was grabbing a beer from the fridge and walking towards the couch, but to sit next to Imra on the ground. Lena could see the way Brainy’s muscles tensed more and more the closer the cub reporter got, seemingly uninterested in Winn’s conquests.

If any of them noticed Lena’s arrival by the door, they didn’t show it, but she was glad. It meant they didn’t care, even while knowing that they’d be introduced to Sam and her daughter. Everything was gonna be fine. Fun. _Normal_.

After the Luthor let go of Kara, the blonde greeted Sam, Ruby, and Jack as she welcomed them all in.

The introduction went smoothly, Lena thought. They all bounced up and practically cheered at the sight of Sam and Ruby, welcoming them in like they were ecstatic to meet them. Everything will be fine. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Well, at least not due to Sam.

\--

“Taboo?” Brainy questioned with a furrow of his brows. “I don’t think I’ve ever played that one. Would someone mind explaining it to me?”

“You guys have game night every week and never once played Taboo?” Sam said in shock, her jaw lightheartedly dropping.

“We’ve played variations of it, twisting the rules around in our favor,” Alex replied. “But Brainy never seemed to enjoy it without a set of clear rules. This time, though,” the redhead turned to Brainy, “you’ll love it. We’ll play by the rules, scout’s honor.”

“The rules… eh, which are?” Brainy seemed determined.

Kara bounced up from the couch to disassemble the box on the coffee table. She pulled out a deck of Taboo cards to demonstrate one of them to the programmer, and began to explain by pointing at the word at the top, then the listed words under it, saying that they were words a player wasn’t allowed to say when explaining the word at the top. She also went over the other rules, like never saying what the word ‘ _rhymes with’_ , never using the equivalent in another language, or not imitating or acting the word out physically or through facial expressions.

Once she finished explaining, Brainy nodded determinedly. “Seems easy enough.”

“Alright then, let’s do this!” Kara giddily responded before seating herself back down, this time next to Imra on the ground to be closer to the coffee table.

She noticed Lena’s eyes trained on her then, a look of disapproval. The blonde brushed it off in her mind, though, and continued to pull out the rest of the game objects, including the other cards, the timer, and the buzzer.

“Teams?” Kelly sounded.

“I want Brainy,” Nia said, and everyone looked unsurprised. Brainy just fervently nodded in confirmation.

“We’re 11 people today,” Winn said almost mischievously as he gazed around the room. “We could either do two teams; five and six, _or_ three teams; four, four, and three.”

“Or four pairs of two and one team of three,” Brainy added matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, but that’s no fun,” Winn scoffed.

“Five and six,” Alex voiced and everyone else nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, and I’ll take Ruby,” Sam agreed, bumping her shoulder with her daughter’s and winking at her.

Kara was excited, to say the least. There was gonna be a shift in chemistry and that intrigued her. She was practically shaking in excitement as she looked at Lena sat on the arm chair to her right, who still seemed to have a look of disapproval on her face as her eyes trained on the blonde.

Regardless, Kara was ready to confirm with Lena the obvious; to stick together in a team, as usual. “Lena—"

Lena suddenly cleared her throat. “Let’s mix it up today, in honor of our guests,” she smirked at Sam and Ruby sat cross-legged on the ground. “I’ll be with Sam, Ruby, Jack, and… Brainy and Nia.”

If there was a look of shock on the rest of the player’s faces, Kara didn’t notice. She kept her eyes on Lena, confused. _What brought this on?_ Even with Sam, Kara could’ve been on their team too. Kara and Lena were the perfect game partners – everyone knew that. She was excited for a shift in chemistry but not _that_ much of a shift.

The decision definitely put a dent in the blonde’s excitement, until a hand dropped on her knee. She looked up to her other side to see Imra smiling at her, “We got this.”

Kara smiled softly and placed her hand over Imra’s, nodding lightly.

This apparently earned another scoff from the Luthor, masked as a clearing of throat. “Alex, Kelly, and Winn, you good with that?”

“Of course,” Kelly grinned as she held Alex’s hand, earning a blush from the redhead.

“Let’s do this,” Winn smirked.

“I say,” Jack started, “Sam should start.” He looked at the lawyer and smirked, “show them your skills and you might just turn out to be a vital asset every game night.”

And so, Sam stood and started. Kara jumped up to go and stand behind the Arias, looking over the card to ensure that Sam didn’t say the illegal words.

The first card was up and the hourglass had been turned over. The word was ‘ _Tobacco’_ and the banned words to use were ‘ _smoke’_ , ‘ _leaf’_ , ‘ _nicotine’_ , ‘ _cancer’_ , and ‘ _cigarette’_.

“The bad habit Jack can’t let go of,” Sam said quickly.

“Smoking!” Nia shouted.

“Which uses…?” Sam urged.

“Tobacco,” Lena answered easily.

“You really didn’t have to expose me like that,” Jack rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, next, next, next,” Nia excitingly pressed on.

“Uh, okay, okay,” Sam quickly looked over the next card. Kara saw the word was ‘ _Turtle’_ and the banned words were ‘ _green’_ , ‘ _slow’_ , ‘ _animal’_ , ‘ _ocean’_ , and ‘ _shell’_. “Lena, it’s a reptile you had in the fourth grade.”

“Turtle,” the Luthor answered immediately.

“Fuck,” Kara heard Alex voice as she watched.

“Next!” Ruby shouted.

Sam flipped another card, which was simply the word ‘ _Clock’_. The banned words, as Kara adjusted her glasses to read clearer, were ‘ _watch’_ , ‘ _time’_ , ‘ _tick_ _tock’_ , ‘ _minutes’_ , and ‘ _wall’_.

“Ummmm…” Sam hissed, “Hmm. Okay, when will our round be over?”

“In approximately 12 seconds,” Brainy answered seriously, eyeing the hour glass. Ruby giggled.

“When the time is over,” Nia said instead, a question mark apparent on her face.

Sam nodded fervently, urging her to go on, “how do you know when it’s over?”

“Um, sand?” Ruby questioned. “When the sand reaches the bottom.”

“The hourglass,” Jack simplified.

“Which is a type of…” Sam started.

“Timer,” Nia said.

“Clock,” Lena determined.

“Yes!” Sam shouted, pointing at the Luthor, before Winn hit the buzzer. “Time!!!”

“Okay, we got three,” Nia said.

“Eh, not bad for the first round, I guess, but whatever,” Winn rolled his eyes.

“They didn’t pass any cards nor use any illegal words either, though,” Kara stated in a defeated, disappointed tone.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” Jack wiggled his brows at Sam in pride, clearly not reading the room. Or rather, Kara. 

“Go mom!” Ruby added.

Kara watched Sam take it all in and high five Lena, who was the one to correctly answer all the questions in the first place.

She gulped.

 _They_ were the perfect partners on game night.

—

For the purpose of competition and actually _winning_ , Lena began to regret her choice in teams. Sure, she worked well with Jack, Brainy, and of course Sam, and Nia seemed to work best with Ruby and somehow, Brainy… but other than her history with Sam, the rest was no match to not only the Danvers sisters, but also the dorky lifelong friends Kara and Winn. Not to mention Alex and Kelly practically read each other’s minds, _and_ Kelly was impeccable at calming Alex down whenever she got too competitive.

Lena and Alex normally were the competitive ones, but with Sam’s added stubbornness, Alex seemed close to blowing her head off. But it… worked, somehow. The way Sam and Alex interacted, though on opposite teams, made Lena believe they would be great partners any other night.

Kara and Imra, on the other hand, seemed to have an understanding that Lena couldn’t quite decipher. She found herself reading too much into it, the way they didn’t exactly work well in guessing or answering what the other was thinking, but rather, in the way they cheered each other on. It was soft, the way Kara and Imra handled each other with such high respect and maturity – neither of them actually caring about winning but instead the enjoyment of each other’s company. Lena thought, _maybe_ , it was some sort of intimacy they gained after… learning and remembering each other’s bodies.

The Luthor gulped, her fingers wrapping tightly around her third glass of scotch as she found her eyes reluctantly trailing down Imra’s body. She was laughing lightly as Kara’s arm wrapped around her shoulders at whatever terrible guess Imra made at Winn’s current explanation of whatever word Lena wasn’t actually paying attention to. Imra wore a flowy white blouse and dress shorts, showing off her tan legs and essentially looking like a Greek goddess (Kara’s words).

Her eyes eventually landed on the rose gold necklace of Saturn that rested upon Imra’s chest, and she wondered how many times rose-gold Saturn tangled with Kara’s silver House of El ‘S’ that _one night_.

Lena shook her head to herself and swallowed down the rest of her drink. She realized then that her feelings – or lack of them – for Sam didn’t come up once in her mind’s antics all night.

\--

Lena wasn’t being fair, Kara thought. It was like being around Sam changed her. Like in the blink of an eye, the reporter was replaced with Lena’s ex.

And again, Kara tells herself, this isn’t Sam’s fault. Sam has been nothing short of wonderful since the moment they met. But Lena seemed to have a lot going on in her mind every time Sam was around, and if Sam noticed, she didn’t show it. Not to Kara, at least.

The blonde found herself knitting her brows and narrowing her eyes more times than she could count that night. The Luthor continuously called the opposing team out for bending any of the smallest rules, which, granted, Lena was always competitive, but not to that point. Lena, at the end of the day, didn’t actually care for the game. So her behavior that night bewildered Kara to no end.

She then watched Lena carefully, who was magnificently dressed in formal-casual attire, what with her long-sleeved dark teal colored blouse that folded at the end of a long V-neck showing off her breasts, paired with black business slacks. Her hand never seemed to be short of a glass of whiskey, which ultimately worried Kara.

She thought back to when she first opened the door to the Luthor that same night, the way the engineer snuggled into her immediately, whining about her own friends. What changed since just that moment?

Lena’s team were ahead for the first half, before Lena started slacking, which, considering her pairing with Sam, did quite the damage on their score as Kara’s team caught up pretty quick, much to Alex’s satisfaction. Finally, everyone seemed to have enough of the game, having had too much to drink and wanting to wind down, ultimately declaring Kara’s team as the winners, and again, much to Alex’s satisfaction, but much to Lena’s dismay as well.

Kara decided to stand up as Nia collected and reorganized the cards to put back into the game box. Kara was not one to avoid confrontation – well… not to matters like these, at least. So, she walked towards Lena on the arm chair and wrapped her fingers around Lena’s wrist – a move the Luthor despised, being her pet peeve, but one she didn’t mind from Kara too much – pulling Lena towards the kitchen.

Lena somehow both sloppily and elegantly tripped herself as she was dragged to the kitchen, the both of them finally ending up behind the kitchen counter, still in view of their friends but out of ear-shot.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kara decided to get right into it.

“Being rushed aside by you, apparently.”

“Don’t play dumb.”

Lena looked affronted. “That’s rich.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kara scoffed.

Lena ignored the question for the time being. “Tell me, what did I do this time?”

Kara sighed, letting go of her own unanswered question. “You’re… I don’t know what you’re doing, but…” the blonde knitted her brows together. “It’s like you’re a different person when Sam is around.”

The engineer narrowed her eyes at the reporter. “Is this about the same thing as our last talk, Kara?”

“No, no, it’s not that.”

“So sam was right.”

“About what?” Kara’s brows remained knitted so tightly the crease between them was sure to mark.

“You hate her.”

“ _What_?”

“That must be the only explanation. Why do you keep bringing her up like this? What did she ever do to you, Kara?”

“Sam isn’t the issue, Lena.” Kara scoffed, “You are. I don’t hate Sam. In fact, I’ve enjoyed her company today more than I have yours.”

Lena lowly chuckled. “I see.” The Luthor wiped her tongue across the front of her teeth in affronted contemplation. “Please, enlighten me. How am I so different around Sam?”

“It’s like… you’re… I don’t know. It’s like you’re pushing me away.”

“Don’t be dramatic, Kara.”

“It’s true.”

“You know what? At least I’m not leading my ex-hookup on just to send her spiraling down a path of broken hearts.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, _don’t_ _play dumb_ ,” Lena mocked Kara’s earlier words. “The poor girl is head over heels for you and you’re only making it worse.”

“How the hell am I making it worse?” The blonde was shocked to see the turn of topic, one that she never knew Lena even thought twice about. The Luthor was tipsy, Kara could tell, but it still didn’t explain the sudden switch in attitude that night.

“She has feelings for you and you know it. And what do you do? You’re all touchy and flirty and cuddly like that’ll make it any easier on her. We all know you ‘ _don’t do_ _relationships’_ , which is fine, you do you, but don’t give people the hope for a chance either.”

Kara almost laughed. “I don’t understand. What, am I supposed to just send her off to another team and push her away like her friendship means nothing to me?”

Lena rolled her eyes so far back; Kara could only see white for a moment. It was like she was belittling Kara’s dramatic implication, which the blonde _definitely_ did not appreciate. “It’s not about just being nice or friendly. You know exactly what you’re doing to her. But no, Kara Danvers could never date anyone. Instead, all she does is fuck them, confuse them, and break their hearts.”

“Jesus Christ. Since when was my sex life of such importance to you?”

“It’s not.”

“Clearly.”

“It’s _not_. I couldn’t care less who you sleep with. You on the other hand, seem to be so butt-hurt over me having any friends other than you.”

“Please,” Kara sneered, “I couldn’t care less who you’re friends with.”

“And I couldn’t care less who you sleep with.”

“Fine,” Kara shrugged defensively.

“Fine.”

“Fine,” this time, a tight smile.

“Ugh,” Lena grunted, rolled her eyes once more and walked away.

Well, that accomplished absolutely nothing Kara was hoping for.

\--

Lena returned to the seating area with one goal set in mind: to get the fuck out of there. Her blood felt like it was boiling beneath her skin and she wasn’t sure what the true root of it was. Though, at the back of her mind, she could hear Jack’s voice saying, _‘Lena, darling, you’re projecting,’_ but she chose to ignore it. 

She reached her same spot as before just as Winn was hugging his legs on the ground and looking up at Kelly. “Hey, um, Kelly… has James said anything… about…”

The psychologist immediately understood what Winn was asking about. “No, he hasn’t. I haven’t talked much to him. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, I’m sorry. I know it’s been difficult,” Winn smiled softly and acceptingly, retreating his chin back down tightly between his knees.

Lena, still standing by her original spot, grabbed her purse and looked at Sam and Ruby. “Let’s go.”

“Oh,” Sam said with a furrow of her brows. Ruby, on the other hand, didn’t question it and just stood up.

“Or, you know, stay and I’ll send my driver to you after, but I think I’ve had one too many drinks tonight.”

“Lena,” Jack inserted himself. “Are you okay?” The Spheer darted his eyes between Lena and the blonde – who was now apparently talking closely to Alex by the front door of her bed room.

“Dandy,” Lena smiled tightly.

After disregarding several curious or worried questions, Lena finally said goodbye, and for the first time in a while, without hugging Kara goodbye.

“I’m coming with,” Jack jumped up.

“Way to invite yourself,” Lena joked, but regardless, didn’t fight it.

She just didn’t want him and Sam teaming up against her like they used to. She wasn’t in the mood for it. She knew exactly what was going on, but she just wanted to clown herself for a little longer. Because once the whiskey wears down, she knew she’d want to slap herself for projecting so much; letting not just her feelings for Kara and the way she stupidly saw herself in Imra, but also her confusion with Sam, send her into destructive behavior.

For now, she wanted to be allowed to destroy whatever she wanted to.

For a moment, even, feeling Sam’s toned arms in the car pressed against her own, she let her mind wander to the worst possible move she could make just because she _could_. But thankfully, she shook those thoughts out as fast as they came in.

Gratefully, Jack and Sam knew well enough not to badger her tonight. She knew it wouldn’t last long and that the next day they’d team up on her once she’d settled and the scotch had left her system.

But for now, she could enjoy the friendly banter between her close friend and ex-girlfriend and try _really hard_ not to mistake her fondness of it for nostalgia for the way things used to be. Before Sam moved to Metropolis. Before Kara ever stepped foot in her own office. Before she felt her heart tug in two directions; the past and the present.

They reached Lena’s penthouse, Jack immediately and lazily dropping to the couch like a frat boy, looking around the Luthor’s place.

“You know, darling, for a raging lesbian, your place really lacks some color.”

Lena rolled her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time today as she poured herself another glass of whiskey, losing count on how much she’s had that night.

Sam kissed Ruby good night before instantly joining Jack on the couch. “How long has it been since you’ve been here?” She asked Jack.

“Unfortunately, not long enough,” Lena mumbled, turning to join them on the adjacent arm chair.

“Though, believe it or not, Sam, before Lena started working with Obsidian North on their VR lenses, she actually used to give me the time of day. Now, it’s just Kara, Kara, Kara, Andrea, Andrea, Andrea.”

“Wait, I thought you were working on drones?” Sam asked.

“No, that was just for fun. I would never let _my_ drones get in the hands of government, or worse, Jack Spheer.”

“Of course it was,” Sam chuckled, casually dodging the stiff pillow Jack attempted to throw at Lena’s head.

“I haven’t forgiven you, Lena,” Jack whined. “Why work with Andrea at Obsidian when you can work with your bestie at Spheerical Industries?” 

“Stop being a baby,” Lena rolled her eyes. “L-Corp isn’t even teaming up with Obsidian. It’s more like… helping a friend out. Her company is still up-and-coming.”

“Hold your fucking horses,” Sam blurted. “Andrea? As in Andrea Rojas from when you were in boarding school?”

Lena ignored the flutter in her chest at the way Sam rolled her R’s. _It was just the whiskey._

“Yes,” she said with a slow blink of her eyes, predicting what was coming next.

Sam’s eyes were blown wide, “I would _kill_ to meet her. I’m like, her biggest fan.”

“Since when do you care for Obsidian North?”

“Since its CEO was my ex-girlfriend’s gay awakening. Without her, I might’ve never met you!”

Yup, there it is. Lena groaned so loud, she almost worried it’d wake Ruby.

Jack laughed and wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulders, “Man, I’ve missed you.”

The Luthor sunk in to her seat more and more as she watched the two. With the alcohol streaming in her veins, the dim light of the room encapsulating two extremely significant people in her life – at least, mostly from her past – and Kara’s absence, she felt nostalgia creep up on her like never before.

What that meant, she wasn’t sure. But she thought back on the conversation she had with Kara the first day Sam and Ruby made it to her place, and she thought about Kara’s question again. And the Luthor’s answer remained the same.

Lena knew nostalgic love existed. That it was more of a feeling for the past rather than the future, but she couldn’t help but enjoy the way it distracted her from the agonizing pain of the unrequited love she had for Kara. And she thought that maybe she could just lie in it a little longer, sit in this pool of nostalgia and forget that Kara ever stepped foot in her office four and a half years ago.

But as her eyes slowly shut with Sam and Jack’s voices in the background, all she could see in her mind was waves of blonde, thick hair. Charming blue eyes paired with the most intoxicating smile, soothing her drunken mind, despite being the cause of it, too.

\--

Kara got drunk after Lena’s departure pretty quick too, anger seeping into her bones for the way that Lena accused her of such a cruel thing. It was almost like Lena didn’t know her at all if she thought Kara would ever intentionally hurt Imra like that.

But a part of her wanted to prove her wrong. Another part of her just really liked the way Imra looked that night and the way she stayed after everyone left because she felt like the reporter was upset. Most parts of her, though, were just pretty damn drunk and angry.

“Thank you, Imra,” Kara whispered softly as her sleepy – no, _drunken_ – eyes blinked slowly at the other woman, the blonde’s cheek resting against the back cushions of the couch. “I know we haven’t really talked much or caught up a lot like this in the recent past, but… know that I really appreciate your friendship.”

Imra’s lips twitched before they curved into a soft but tight smile, “Always.”

Kara’s eyes lingered for a bit, her mind racing with thoughts. Imra was in front of her but her mind flashed images of Lena, her smile one moment, but then her scowl. The disgust in her eyes when accusing Kara of such cruel things. Then her smile again, and then her laugh.

But Imra was here and she was kind and she was soft and she was _here_. And Lena wasn’t.

Imra inhaled a shaky breath, “I should go.”

Kara, before thinking twice about it, darted her hand to Imra’s.

“Um, if you want, you could… you could stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to quote melanie scrofano, "i just like to throw wrenches in things and walk away."
> 
> anyway. WHO'S EXCITED FOR ROJARIAS BC IK I AM

**Author's Note:**

> reach me on twitter if you'd like at [ @wynscorp ](https://twitter.com/wynscorp)


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